And She Foreshadows Too...

If I'm going to be frank in this blog, I guess I have to be honest. I'm not totally addiction-free. Back when I lived on the West Coast, I developed a meth habit. Yes, meth. Crystal methamphetamines, people. I started this all when I wanted to lose some weight. I knew what it was made of, and I figured it would be a quick fix.

I started snorting it and lost the weight. But then I continued to use. This went on for about six months. It never made me miss the rent, or get utilities shut off, or took food out of my children's mouths. But one day, my mother came right out and asked me if I was using drugs because I was so emaciated. I stopped using it that day.

I see the pictures and TV shows about meth addicts. They all say meth takes over their bodies and once beautiful women now look at you with dead eyes and sunken cheeks. Women sell their bodies for it. Men steal for it. I didn't allow this to happen, but I know I'm lucky. I don't know if it was my strong will, or my need to take care of everyone around me, or maybe even my insane need to be the good girl to my parents. Who cares? All I know is that I made a decision to stop using it and I did. I didn't feel any withdrawal symptoms, except for being really tired for a couple of days.

Even now, I still smoke weed when I feel like it and I keep it around for when I do. So I guess it can be said that I'm still a drug user.

I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to say that just because I was able to make a decision, and then stop using meth, then he should have been able to do the same with heroin. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that I know what it's like to be an addict. And I know I'm very lucky. Every now and then, I wish I could do meth again, just one more time. But I never act on it because I know I can't.